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Well today marked your two year angelversary bunny. I cannot even believe it has been two whole years without you. My heart still aches as much now as it did that very first day with.t you. Sometimes I even think it aches more. The longer I go on without you, the more I long for the life we had.
Well today was no worse then I expected and yet no easier. We woke up and bobo decided he wanted to share the day with us so he stayed home from school. We went to the cemetery where we brought the most beautiful flowers we could find. We drank our coffee which grandma bought and quietly took a moment with you. We then came home and planted a Taya tree. It is going to bloom white but then turn to pink flowers. I can’t wait for the first bloom. We also bought a little bunny planter. He is a dopey bunny but I had to have it. We liked it so much, we went and got another one. Your garden is doing fabulous. It is as pretty as you. Everything is starting to bloom. We had decided to goto the pccu and bring coffee and donuts to the nurses in honor of you. To say a special thanks. Well this sounded better coming out of my mouth then it actually was. I felt like I would be strong enough to walk those halls. It just wasn’t that way. Walking that walk brought so many memories back. We just couldn’t stay more then two minutes. My heart was pounding and I felt sick. I cried as soon as the doors opened into the pccu. The nurses seemed very grateful for the thought although we didn’t stick around long enough to really know. It does not matter though bunny, our hearts felt better. We did it. We walked those halls. We finally made it into say thank you. Bobo also gave some old video games that he no longer plays to donate to the sick kids. It was a great feeling to hear that they needed them. Anyway we can help, makes us feel like we are making a difference to some other family, some other child whom is sad that they are in that place. We plan on doing much more and were given some ideas how to help. Your name will be remembered by may baby. That is our promise. Dinner time was great. We had pina coladas just for your bunny.
We think about you every single day and that will never change. We are missing you like crazy baby girl. Love you forever.
What a beautiful daughter! Sadly, a tragic end came to her far-too-short life. Your cause is an admirable one, and I am happy to support your effort in helping others dealing with similar circumstances. Her legacy will live on, in a big way. I’m sure no one who’s lives Taya touched will ever forget that sweet smile! Good luck with reaching and far surpassing your monetary goal. Taya’s memory will live on, through your generosity and compassion for others!
Sherry Awde – Local 18
Hello my baby girl! Your pretty little face has been on my mind more then ever lately but especially today! Your baby brother turned one today! He kept saying your name and blowing you kisses! I hope you saw him! Thanks for letting us know that you were around us today! You were trying to steal kye kye’s thunder! Your beauty brought in some good donations today and also the fund raising website wants to do a story on your fund! How great is that! You are still serving such a huge purpose in this world even though you are not with us physically! I hope this turns out to be bigger then mommy and daddy ever expected! We can make such a big difference to so many families! I wish you were here! I wish I could hold you in my arms! I will never stop wishing for that! This life will not be the same without you and everything we do, we always always think of what it would be like if you were here! I love you so much bunny and I will love you for the rest of my life!
Let me dream of you tonight! Please! Xo
Mommy had a rough day yesterday. I had such a bad day filled with tears, sadness, and anger. I know you know that because I felt you around me. You always seem to be here for me. I just wish it could be physically. Life would be perfect.
I am sitting in the backyard remembering how bare it used to be when you were here. Nothing but grass. To see all the changes and how much the house has changed has really hit hard because it just shows how many days we have been apart. I remember the day before you went to the hospital. You came out to play for a bit. We thought you were finally starting to be on the mend. Boy weren’t we wrong. We had no clue what was going to stab us in the heart with a knife the very next day. I wonder if I knew what we would have done that day instead. I think I would just hold you close so close you would not be able to breathe. If I only knew baby girl, I would have taped your voice saying, “I love you mommy.” I miss that. I just miss how you would say, “mom” and I would say, “yes” and it would be followed by an I love you.
When I breathe this air it does not feel the same. The stars don’t shine as bright, my eyes don’t see the world the same, and everything just feels like something is missing. I know that something is you. I know it is that my heart is aching for my baby girl. I know if I grow old, I will always know that life fell short of complete happiness. I smile, laugh, and have many happy moments, but then I always, always wonder how muchnhappier it would be if you were here to share it with me.
I see the pool that I know you would have loved swimming in. I see jettie whom I know you would have loved to cuddle up with. I see Kye andni picture you playing with him and being a little mommy. I can’t see you growing older. I always see you as four. I can’t imagine what you would have loved to be now or who younwould have looked up to. I just see the beautiful four years we had together. The four years that didn’t include fear, ignorance, and safety. I was ignorant to think that my child would ever get sick. I was ignorant to think that I could and would always be able to keep you safe. I was fearless because I had my family and there was so much love.
I still am the same kind of parent to Kye baby. The only difference is I am a little more scared. I jump to the worst case scenario every time. I still love him like I love you and Tristan. I am not afraid to love him. I always wonder what I would do if I lost another one of my children. It is just too hard to go to that place. I am still in survival mode some days just trying to keep it together without you.
Mommy needs to think about going to bed now baby girl. Try to get some sleep. I just wanted to get some things off my chest hoping that it will make me feel better that I have said them. I am missing you like crazy. Wishing I can dream of you and hold you even just for a minute.
Forever your mommy xoxo
I get the kids to bed and my head and heart turn to you my bunny. I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about your beautiful little face. Missing you and love you. Xo
Well we were down at mcmaster again today baby making a donation in your name. More treats for the treat box, some games, bubbles, an xbox, and video games and movies. In and out. It was quite quick.
I started to pack kye’s clothes for our weekend away to see uncle Corey, auntie heather, and the triplets. I went into your closet to get some swimmers and there were your clothes. I, of course, had to stop and smell them. They don’t smell like you anymore
. I ruffled through them to remember the last memory I had with you in each piece of clothing. I then fed Kye and cried. I just wish baby. I think I am going to keep them in case you have a little sister and I can put her in them. I just don’t think I will ever be able to part with them. Even the ones you only wore once because we had just bought you some new clothes before you got sick.
Give me strength bunny. Strength to get through the weekend without you. The last time we met uncle Corey and auntie heather half way, you were there
(. I am excited to see them all but it comes with some sadness but then doesn’t everything the first time we do it.
Stormy night tonight baby. The weather seems to relate to the way I am feeling.
Missing you more then you could ever possibly understand. Love you bunny. See you in my dreams.
Today we went for a walk and what crossed our path but a bunny! You always know how to warm our hearts. How do you do that?
Back to school:( you would have been in grade two. How I wish I could walk you to school this day and every other day for the rest of my life.
Once again, I am just thinking about you and wish I could hold you in my arms and tell you how much I love you and adore you. Missing you bunny as per usual. Going to bed. I am hoping to dream of you. Xoxo love you forever my baby girl.
I am sitting outside by myself listening to the crickets talk and the wind blow. I am looking at the clouds in the sky, the many stars that are out, and just thinking about you. Me and you. I miss the me and you. It is funny how I have so much to say but it all comes down to the same thing. I miss you and love you. I want you back. I want more memories, more laughs, more stealing chocolates, more hugs, more snuggles, and I guess just more time. More time to have more of everything. More time to tell you that you are the best daughter in the whole world, more time to tell you that you are the prettiest girl in the whole world, and more time to just be mine. Mommy and Taya days were awesome. You always kept me on my toes. Busy, busy, busy. It was a good busy though. I used to tell you you drove me nuts and you would laugh. I used to tell you I got you from a funny farm and you laughed and made me laugh more. I want to laugh more. I want to be happy more. I wish we had a lifetime and I did not have to feel this way for my lifetime here without you. I have faith I will be with you again but it feels like forever. I have so many blessings and reasons to be happy but I have such a big reason for being sad. God gave me three beautiful children to bless my life but then I had to lose you. I still wonder why. I will never know why. If you weren’t so perfect, maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much!!!! Sorry baby I had to make some light of this. Boy could I use a Taya hug right now. Boy do I wish I could climb into bed with you and just hold you forever. Just stop the world from going on. Some days I am so tired of being strong and positive. I am tired of being strong. I never wanted to have to be strong. As I say that, I feel guilt! Guilt because I am sure you never wanted to be brave and strong either. Ugh I feel selfish for Thinking about me baby girl. I am sorry. I am just wishing We were not in this mess. I can wish all I want but nothing is changing so as you would say suck it up mommy. Ha ha. I am smiling again baby.
I am going to end it on a smiling note bunny. Hopefully, I can wipe away my tears and sadness and continue to smile. Love you forever bun.
Thinking about you lots today bunny. Happy thanksgiving. Seven years ago your birthday fell on thanksgiving Monday. I awoke knowing I was going to meet you that day. I am missing you baby girl. Wishing I could come up and bring you back to me where you belong. Xoxo
I can’t even believe that you would have been seven. You will always be four to me.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday dear bunny.
Happy birthday to you.
Today we celebrate life not death. It is a happy day not sad. We celebrate your beautiful face, your dimple, your freckle on your forehead and on your ear. We celebrate your perfect curly hair and your cute little bum. The way you said neelons instead of nylons. Missing my Taya cuddles and daddy fajitas. You changed our life bunny for the better in the few short years you were here. We miss you everyday and will for the rest of our lives. Xoxo
Hope you are singing and dancing, eating chocolate, and dressed like the princess we miss so much.
I wonder if there is Halloween in heaven? I sure hope so baby because you like your chocolate. I can still only picture you being a princess even though you have probably outgrown the princess stage by now.
Tomorrow is the day! Your cupcake is going to be sold. I am sure you are excited. We will be getting some tomorrow.
I saw your pretty face in Kye a few times today. You two are so much alike. Can’t wait for what is to come bunny
I love you so much baby and I am sad that I had to do Halloween without you again. I wish it could be so different. Love ya mom
I hope you had a very wonderful Christmas baby girl. You are and always be in my thoughts. Mommy and daddy cuddled and cried Christmas eve talking about our baby girl whom is missed more then our words could ever express. I don’t think things will ever get easier then they are. This is about as good as it gets. Every holiday hurts so bad. You can almost feel the pain circulate through your blood vessels. I always with for the life we had. I sat and remembered Christmas past. Your last Christmas. You were wearing your Hannah Montana pink dress p.j.s and you came in our room all excited. We went downstairs and of course your were just thrilled to see the presents sprawled everywhere on the floor reaching half the living room. I sometimes wish I knew it was going to be your last Christmas. Even though I remember everything and you were spoiled, I just would have enjoyed every breath I took, every snuggle I had, every thought that raced through my head, every word that came from your mouth, and every step you took.
Now I fast forward to Christmas present and the feelings of Christmas are no longer there. The excitement I had when I was ignorant about life was amazing. I just want to rewind and have you here and be ignorant again. We made it through this Christmas and even managed to smile a few times, but and there will always be a but, you werent here. Never the same again. Never true Christmas bliss. Never a decked out house with decorations to the nines more just enough so bobo and Kye feel the spirit, but not too much because it is just more for me to take down when thankfully it is all over. When you were here, I remember feeling disappointed when it was all over because I loved the Christmas feeling. Now, I can’t wait to get the Christmas out of the house. It Is over thankfully. The boys were spoiled and your little brother was overwhelmed. Now we can get back to normalcy. Normalcy is easier. Stay in our house where it is safe and comfortable.
Anyways baby, I know I don’t have to come on here to express my thoughts but I haven’t been on in a while and wanted to put my thoughts down. I love you more then you could ever know.